How to, Like, Stop Saying Filler Words

The tiniest quirks in our speech can change how we’re perceived. But, um, filler words aren’t the villains they’re made out to be. They’re, you know, working behind the scenes.

“We group them all together as these kind of garbage words,” says Valerie Fridland, a professor of linguistics at the University of Nevada, Reno, and the author of Like, Literally, Dude: Arguing for the Good in Bad English. “We call them ‘filler words,’ and fillers are things we don’t like—you don’t want fillers in your food. So when you use that same word to refer to things in conversation, it sounds like things you don’t want.”

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Yet in reality, they serve important cognitive and social functions. We talked to experts about why we rely on them—and how to rein them in when it matters.

The surprisingly useful life of ‘um’

When you use filler words, your brain isn’t glitching. It’s buffering.

Linguists divide these verbal loading bars into two categories. First, there are “filled pauses” such as “um” and “uh,” which people love to hate. They’re unusual because they aren’t stand-ins for anything else; you can’t swap in a more polished synonym. There is no elevated version of “um,” Fridland points out.

Instead, they serve a specific function. We tend to deploy them right before we wade into something linguistically heavier: a long clause, an unfamiliar term, a syntactic maze. “It’s our brain’s way of indicating it needs a moment,” Fridland says. The more complex the thought, the more likely your brain is to build in a beat.

Filled pauses don’t just buy time for the speaker—they manage the conversation for everyone else involved, too. An audible “um” or “uh” signals that a thought is still under construction. Otherwise, the person you’re talking to might assume you’ve finished and jump in, or wonder whether you’ve lost your train of thought. “Either they think you’re done and take over, or they’re like, ‘What’s your problem? Why can’t you come up with something?’” Fridland says. By contrast, slipping in an “um” or “uh” telegraphs something more reassuring: “Hold on, I’m coming up with it. Give me a sec.” Interestingly, Fridland adds, research suggests people tend to use “uh” for shorter delays, and opt for “um” when they anticipate needing a bit more time.

The other category of filler words includes what linguists call “discourse markers”—words such as “like,” “literally,” “you know,” “well,” “I mean,” and “so.” Rather than acting as mental timeouts, these are social tools. They help structure what you’re saying and subtly guide how listeners interpret it. “It’s how I want you to understand what I’m saying in terms of how things relate to each other,” Fridland says. For example, starting a sentence with “well” can signal that what follows may not be what someone expects.

In everyday communication, all of these filler words “serve really good interpersonal functions,” Fridland says. “They definitely help us in casual conversations. If we didn’t use discourse markers, people would think we were very robotic and unpleasant.”

The perception problem

While filler words can help conversations flow, research suggests overusing them may signal uncertainty or a shaky command of the material (or language in general). In professional settings—like work presentations—that perception can erode a speaker’s credibility and clarity.

“Unfortunately, the audience may perceive you as less intelligent or less prepared if you use vocal fillers excessively,” says Heather Hayes, a clinical assistant professor in the media, communications, and visual arts department at Pace University in New York. “You’re going to distract your audience. It can do a disservice for you as a speaker.”

Other research has found that filler words don’t go over well in high-stakes situations like job interviews, either. The more filler words someone uses, the lower they’re rated in professional and personal credibility and communication competence, which can influence hiring decisions.

Roger Love, a Los Angeles–based vocal coach who trains high-profile public speakers and performers, finds it difficult to conceal his contempt for filler words. “They’re destroying the English language,” he says (especially “like,” which he detests most of all). Imagine, he says, that you start a presentation or job interview like this: “As a rocket scientist, I’ve discovered the true meaning of matter.” Then you follow up with a rogue “um.” “The audience thinks, ‘Wow, I thought that person was really intelligent—but they don’t sound so smart anymore,’” he says.

Love dislikes filler words so much that he launched a domestic crackdown when his children were young. “When we had our first child, we decided to tell her that fillers were a swear word,” he says. “Any time she started saying ‘um,’ we’d say, ‘We don’t swear in this house, honey.’” The intervention, he says, stuck. As adults, his children—one of whom is an acclaimed songwriter—are careful with their words and sparing with the fillers.

How to dial it down

You don’t have to purge every “um” from your vocabulary. But in high-stakes moments—job interviews, presentations, big meetings—cutting back can sharpen how you’re perceived. Experts say a few small adjustments can make a noticeable difference.

Record yourself speaking

The idea of watching (or merely listening to) yourself speak may make you shudder. But it’s one of the best ways to figure out which filler words you lean on. “If you just know you’re using some, but you don’t really know which ones you use, where you use them, how you use them, or how frequently you use them, you’re sort of just taking a shot in the dark,” Fridland says.

That’s why she suggests recording yourself having a video chat and then poring over the auto-generated transcript. Ideally, it’ll be a long, casual conversation, so you’ll forget you clicked the record button; otherwise, you risk becoming hyper-vigilant of the way you’re speaking, and not capturing your natural speech patterns.

The exercise will give you a clearer sense of your personal filler habits. “When you’re actually face-to-face is when you tend to really lean on these markers more,” Fridland says, “and therefore you get a really good representation of the type that you use.”

Ask a friend for their opinion

There’s another way to find out if you’re, like, always overusing a certain filler word: Outsource the diagnosis. Hayes suggests approaching a close friend with a straightforward ask: “Hey, do you notice that I use any vocal fillers?” The answer might be that you squeeze “you know” into nearly every sentence. That information can be humbling—and extremely useful.

“Awareness is the first step in overcoming any bad habit,” she says. “Once you become cognizant of your personal filler word, you can be more mindful when you speak and actively try to avoid using it.”

Take inspiration from music

Love believes that the real solution isn’t to eliminate pauses—it’s to replace filler words with melody. “What you want to do before silence is you want to go up,” he says. Instead of letting your voice drop at a comma, which signals you’re finished, he teaches clients to end phrases on a slightly higher note or sustained tone, which is called an ascending melody. “If you used more melody, you wouldn’t need a filler word. They would know you weren’t done,” Love says. In other words, your voice can signal continuation without resorting to “um.” “The melody of your voice tells them there’s more to come,” he says.

Descending melodies, meanwhile—which mean pitch and volume drop at the end of the sentence—make you sound sad, which will likely rub off on the person listening to you. When your voice drops in this manner, “people think it’s their turn to talk,” Love says, which is why it’s best to replace your filler word with an ascending melody.

Breathe in a specific way

Another of Love’s favorite fixes is deceptively simple: change how you breathe. He teaches his clients diaphragmatic breathing, which means breathing in through the nose and expanding the stomach rather than the chest.

The key, he says, is to keep your lips closed until you have an actual word ready to say. “I tell people to close their lips before they start a sentence,” he says. “At commas, close your mouth again and inhale through your nose. I don’t care how long it takes to think of what to say next—you’re not allowed to open up your mouth until you have an actual word to say that isn’t ‘um’ or ‘uh.’”

Sometimes, as they’re practicing, Love’s clients even put their hand over their mouth to physically prevent themselves from blurting out a filler word. It may sound like “a child’s trick,” he says, “but it works.”

Slow down

Speed is rocket fuel for “um.” “When you speak very fast, you’ll start to spew out those vocal fillers while your brain is trying to catch up with your mouth,” Hayes says. The solution is deliberate deceleration. Many people rush because they’re nervous or eager to get a presentation over with—but that urgency backfires. “If you slow down, you won’t rely on filling the silence,” she says.

Say it out loud

Another smart fix: practice out loud. “What people make the mistake of doing is they think through what they’re going to say, but they don’t talk through what they’re going to say,” Fridland explains. “You should practice that. Say it out loud,” because thinking through your remarks means focusing on big ideas—not how you’ll actually articulate them. When you rehearse verbally, your brain “has already mapped out that pathway,” so it’s less likely to stall with an “um” or “uh” when you’re speaking in real time, she says.

Get comfortable with silence

A moment of silence can feel like an eternity, especially when the mic is in your hands and a sea of expectant eyes are staring right at you. “It can feel embarrassing to sit in that silence, and we may fill the pause with a filler word,” Hayes says. “Time feels so slow, so you may think taking a pause is ‘cringe,’ but rest assured that it isn’t.”